Letters of Intent
by Abigail
Summary: Through various letters, Luka, Abby, & Carter are able to come to terms and new realizations.


"Letters of Intent"  
  
Dear Abby,  
  
I'm not sure how to start this letter. A simple 'hello' seems so inappropriate. I doubt that the words which you see before you will have a drastic impact. I don't want to change your mind, I don't want to stand in the way of your life and what you deserve. I want you to be happy.that's all that I want. When I stand by and watch you suffer, it hurts. A terrible pain, one that is indescribable to most, surges through my body. I have never felt this way before for another person, not even with Danjiela. There is something about you that sparks an inner light in me, a light which I thought had been blown out by the inevitable pain and suffering of grief, the loss of a loved one.life in general. People come and people go, stumbling in and out of one another's lives. Rarely does someone have a big enough impact on me to make me stop and see what is before me. You made me want to change myself.you made me want to be a better man, a better human being. I tried.I tried so hard. I never let go, I never stopped fighting for us. I fought behind closed doors, though. I fought in the dark, out of your line of sight. I did not want my feelings to hinder your existence and love for another man. How insensitive and demoralizing I felt when I actually thought, "Why?". Why were you with him and not with me? Why had I not held onto you tighter? Why did I let you go? I have not got the answers, my dear Abby. I only have the memories of us. This is not a plea for a second chance, and I am not terribly certain if this is a plea for forgiveness. All I want is you to be happy; I want you to live your life the way it was meant to be lived. Be happy, Abby, please.be happy.  
  
Love always, Luka  
  
**********  
  
Dear Luka,  
  
I received your letter. It dumbfounded me to a degree. In all honesty, I had no idea that you still felt this way. I.well, I assumed, jumped to the conclusion, that the concept of 'us' was over. I knew that you still cared, your ability to care so deeply was portrayed in your actions. I wish that I could go back in time. I wish I could right all of the wrongs which impacted our relationship. I've been told that the 'bumps' in the road and obstacles which we face in life only aid us for what is to come. If that is the case, I am prepared for Armageddon. God.Luka, why now? Why did you wake me to the idea of reality.the concept that we are not over? I know it was not done intentionally, I know you meant no harm in your letter. I'm not happy.I feel as if I slide along through life, weaving in and out of certainty. I go with the flow, afraid to swim against the current. I have made mistakes left and right in my life; I doubt everything that I do and have done. Yet, in all of the time that we were together, I never doubted you and your intentions or the feelings I felt for you. I understood everything you did, and every little reason behind your decisions, even if at the time I appeared to be frustrated with you. You never hurt me. I was afraid of hurting you, though. I never wanted to disappoint you, Luka. I realize how important my happiness in life is now. I realize what needs to be done.  
  
Sincerely, with love always, Abby  
  
**********  
  
Dear John,  
  
I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I lead you on to believe in false realizations and empty emotions. That was never my intention. I needed someone, and in all honesty, you were the person available at the moment. You knew what I needed, you knew what I was going through. Yet, at the same time you were totally oblivious to every thing I was feeling and everything taking place in my life. I did what I did not because I did not know better and not because I did not care. I knew what I was doing, I knew who I was hurting, and I cared.John, I cared so deeply. The truth is, though, I did not know what was best for me. I thought that what I needed was someone to lean on, someone to carry me from error to error, correct my mistakes for me. What I needed, though, was for someone to let me fall. I needed to hit rock bottom, John. I still need to hit before I wake up to the reality of life. I value our friendship so highly, I never meant to compromise what we had. I never meant to hurt you, and I know that your intentions were never to hurt me. I.I just need to be left alone for a while. I need to stumble, fall, and crawl on my own. I'll walk when I am ready to walk. I need to find myself and fine what makes me happy. John.I need to be happy, truly happy with who I am and what I am doing. Please, hold faith in my decision and do not stop me or hinder me in any way. Let me be and let me live.  
  
Sincerely, friends always, Abby  
  
**********  
  
Dear Abby,  
  
I'm sorry. I had no idea that you felt this way. I suppose, well.I never took the time to actually figure out what you were feeling and what you did need. I made a lot decisions based on my own assumptions. I thought that I could make up your mind for you, let you live.but live with my guidance. I see now the error of my ways. My intentions were never to hurt you, I never meant to stand in the way of what you truly needed. I think that I overlooked the big picture here, I overlooked you. I thought that we were alike and because of that, we could learn off of each other's mistakes. I thought I could make you believe in what you needed to do, but never stopped to realize that 'you' needed to be the one believing in what you needed to do. 'You,' Abby.you needed to live your life without my pressures. I stepped in when you needed to figure things out for yourself. I never meant to hinder your ability to live and learn. Yet.I think that I did. While I do not know if I should apologize, I am sorry. I'll step aside, let you be. But I will never be far if you need me. I understand now, though, that If you need me.you will come searching for me and not the other way around. Good luck, Abigail. Let me know when you walk, I want to be there to see your first steps.  
  
Your friend, Carter  
  
**********  
  
Dear John,  
  
Thank-you for understanding. I'll let you know.Believe in me and wish me happiness.  
  
Sincerely, friends always, Abby  
  
**********  
  
Dear Abby,  
  
My initial intention behind the letter was never to for you to question your actions, or even your position in the present. I wanted you to realize how much I care for you.even if our relationship was never to reach beyond the limits of friends. Never feel guilty for what you have done; the actions which we partake in throughout life only allow us to see what we need to change, and it awakens us to who we are. Abby, you are a wonderful person, a person with so much potential and so much to live for. 'Never' let anyone stop you from what you believe in. Be yourself, others will understand and respect you for that. There are so many things that I do not know about you, and there are so many things that you do not know about me, as well. Explanations are not needed, and the past does not need to be delved into. I will let you decide what you want. I will let you be.let you live. If I am a participant in your life, this merely comes as an added bonus. Take care of yourself, I am no further than a phone call away.you know where I live. Come to me when you need me. I'm always here.  
  
Love always, Luka  
  
**********  
  
Dear Luka,  
  
Everything that has taken place seems to be without my allowing it. Things happen without no explanation needed, because.in all honesty, I could not explain them if my life depended on it. We all act on impulse, letting ourselves fall for moments of security, only to find ourselves more insecure than when we started. I understand now what you mean, I understand that I should never feel guilty for what I have done in the past, only learn from it and try to move ahead in life. I never thought that living would be so hard. It is so much more than that natural impulse to breath, it is so much more.I will find you in time.we will find each other.  
  
Sincerely, with love always, Abby 


End file.
